


Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

by smol_fangirl



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: 3 + 1 times, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, During Canon, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, JATP Appreciation Week 2020, Julie's magical hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:07:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27455455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smol_fangirl/pseuds/smol_fangirl
Summary: Three times Luke thinks he could never give Julie peace and the one time they found it.
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 20
Kudos: 204
Collections: JATP Appreciation Week





	Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

**Author's Note:**

> Is it just me or did JATP Appreciation Week pass by too quickly?   
> Today's prompt centered around canon and after listening to "peace" by Taylor Swift one too many times, I decided to ruin my day and write a fic based on it. I might have made up for it by watching the Juke hug roughly 100 times on repeat...   
> Anyway, hope you enjoy! (And don't cry...)

**I.**

His vans don’t squeak on the floor anymore.

Back in his high school days, they did, and loudly so, much to Alex’ dismay. The memories still live in his mind, of the hallways that always seemed so dark in comparison to the stage lights waiting for him outside. The scolding glares of whatever teacher stood closest to their little performances – Alex drumming on the door of his locker and Reggie clapping to the rhythm as Luke belted out whatever song he liked best that day.

High school in the 90s wasn’t bad only sometimes.

With Julie, it’s only ever been great.

Her words echo through his mind, stuck on repeat like a beat on a loop box. _I think we make each other better_. He laughs at the ceiling and slides down the hall one more time for the sake of it. No one turns around to judge him.

The smile she gave him makes him feel light, or lighter as usual. A few more of these, and maybe he’d float around like Caleb in his intro. It’d be quite a nice trick to impress Julie with – and like sprinkles on top of an ice cream sundae, Nick certainly could never pull off such a move in their dance class.

At the thought, the grin on his face involuntarily widens.

Maybe, if he stuck around, Julie would accept his company on the walk to whatever class she had after dancing. He certainly wouldn’t mind spending a few more minutes with her, basking in her smile before band practice.

In the meantime, Luke figures, he can sneak into some classes to find out how teachers bored their students to sleep in the 21st century.

The first door he phases through leads him into a crammed computer room. The slim screens faintly remind him of the chunky desktop in his dad’s office, but the students in front of him click their mouses in a pace that would have frozen the computer back at home for the rest of the day.

It blows his mind, even after he remembers that 25 years offer a lot of room for change.

His eyes rest on a worksheet spread out on the desk next to the teacher. _HTML5_ , he reads. Frowns at another thing he never heard of before. Would his dad understand these computer things? He should check out the office next time… Perhaps his parents managed to afford one of these slim, fast computers, or even one of these laptops Ray carries around the house.

And hopefully, that room will still feel familiar, computer or not.

He walks into a chemistry class next. The board is covered in formulas and equations he cursed every week in 9th grade, and he watches in horror as the teacher, a dark skinned woman with braids much like Flynn’s, adds another string of scientific hieroglyphs. Then she mentions a Bunsen burner, and Luke poofs right back into the hallway. (Another ghost perk – back in the 90s, he always wished he could have escaped classes. _Especially_ chemistry classes.) Flashbacks run through his mind, of his first ever experiment in class, Alex’s hands shaking, and the hole in both of their textbooks.

The only chemistry Luke ever liked after that was the chemistry with his band mates on stage.

Chemistry.

Music playing.

_Julie_.

Looking around, he realizes he teleported himself right in front of the gym. He must’ve thought of her, and now he certainly can’t think of anything else. She’s in there, _right now_ , in that cute little black dress she mentioned a few days ago, and it’d be too easy to sneak a glimpse at her, too easy to stare at her for as long as he liked without anyone noticing. _Ghost perks_.

His feet hurry towards the door.

“Boundaries,” her voice echoes in his mind.

Just one look. There was nothing wrong about that. She’d never even have to know.

But he knows he has no right.

With a silent sigh on his lips, Luke turns away.

(Watching her dance couldn’t compare with singing into her mic anyway, and in a few hours, he’ll get to do just that.)

Behind the next door, he finds darkness.

And kissing noises.

_Loud_ kissing noises.

Luke stumbles away from the entangled silhouettes. Back in the hallway, his eyes involuntarily but immediately dart to the gym. To the floor, when he realizes the silliness of his thoughts. His feelings, too. The discovery is only a day old, but in that moment he knows he needs to bury it next to his own body.

Because there’s nothing he can give her beyond the scope of a stage.

Sure, he daydreamed about songwriting sessions on the weekend, and the spark of her smile under the headlights. Last night, he imagined her in one of his flannel jackets, or in the sweatshirt he wore right now, and maybe he already thought about offering her his favorite beanie so she could wear it to school on cold winter days…

But none of it could ever make up for all the things she’d miss out on – all the things he’d die again for. Hiding from their friends in the library to write a song. Driving her to the beach just before sunset, and taking her home underneath an ocean of stars. Meeting her dad, officially. Sharing a hot chocolate from 7-11, and everything else he heard about from his classmates – first kisses, first promises, first mistakes. Second chances.

A life.

He could never give her a life.

Sharing a stage with her would have to be enough for him.

**II.**

He only breathes out of habit. He only blinks out of habit.

Did he make the same mistake twice out of habit?

_That’s it. You’re done. You don’t exist anymore._

Even hours later, Willie’s words still echo through his mind. He thought he had time. He thought he could play with Alex and Reggie, and sing to Julie, and eventually the universe would work its magic to give their band a tour and an album and everything he ever dreamed of.

(Almost everything.)

But there was no magic. Of course not. Only misery. First a streetdog, now a stamp. Why was time so fragile in his hands?

With a sigh, Luke sits down on the sand. It’s a beautiful California night. Stars twinkle above the ocean, and the street lanterns behind him glisten in competition. A soft breeze carries the salty air along the pier, in perfect harmony with the sound of the sea.

He hates it.

He hates it with all the energy left inside of him, because it’s not fair that he’s sitting on a beach, surrounded by a summer paradise, when inside of him everything is crumbling into pieces.

A bitter laugh hushes over his lips. Maybe that’s why Julie avoided him during their performance. Maybe she realized that there’s no point in fanning the flames when the fire will inevitably die with him.

And yet she smiled at him.

Julie.

Tears well up in his eyes. One mistake of his afterlife, twice the disappointment for Julie. She deserved better from him, so much better. So much more, too. More songs, more laughs, more happiness until her smile would shine brighter than the sun.

Instead, he’ll have to leave her behind. Be one more bullet point on the list of losses she grieves, whether they cross over or not. Just the thought of having to tell her, of saying goodbye to her, hurts more than any of Caleb’s jolts.

Kicking his shoes off, Luke drags himself back on his feet again. He stumbles closer to the shore, past tipsy students with loud music boxes, past couples walking hand in hand, past all the life he lost 25 years ago. When he reaches the water, it rushes right through him. Eyes closed, he tries to focus, to calm down enough to feel the ocean one last time.

It barely feels like a cool breeze around his ankles. 

The first tear rolls over his cheek in resignation. A second one, and another, until his vision drowns in them. His heart is in chains, dragged down by all the things outside of his control. He wasn’t naïve enough to believe he could be her future, but he had hoped she could be a part of his. That he could bathe in her light for as long as she’d let him.

At least she’ll shine again. It’s a raindrop of comfort in this desert of pain. He knows she will, just like he knows the waves will keep coming back to the shore.

He just won’t get to see it.

**III.**

“That’s just great,” she huffs before she walks away.

“Julie,” he whispers.

The door slams shut.

Without her, the air on the veranda feels ice cold.

He’s resting against the couch, gaze stuck on the ceiling. Next to him, Alex lays spread out on the cushions as Reggie picks on the strings of his bass. The lifeless notes suit the emptiness stretching out inside of him. As far as he knows, ghosts didn’t dream, at least not with their eyes open.

But Luke dreams a lot that evening.

He dreams about Julie. About an afterlife where he could hold her hand and give her memories she didn’t want to run away from, where he’d truly make her better rather than robbing her peace. Where he’s not too obsessed with a past he couldn’t fix, and focused on creating a future worth sticking around for instead.

A future where he would’ve loved her right. 

Like any dream, however, his open-eyed fantasy eventually ends.

It ends when the memory of the devastation in her smile flashes through his mind, and he remembers how he poured kerosene into the flames because for one second, he forgot and teased her. Because he wanted to see her smile, and got lost in the aching hope that she felt the same. 

Because even now, he can’t help but gravitate towards her.

Luke clicks his tongue. His love would never be enough. He didn’t deserve her – he could never give her peace.

**III + I**

She feels warm. Warm and solid and like a home he’s finally visiting for the first time.

“I love you guys,” she sniffs into his neck, and his stomach twists. He wants to say something, comfort her even though he’s scared, but the reply – _I love you too_ – dies on the tip of his tongue.

So, he wraps his arms tighter around her.

_I love you_ , he thinks, hoping she’ll feel it. Hoping she knows.

Suddenly, the warmth of her embrace melts the dull ache in his chest. Suddenly, he feels light and solid and _warm_ and he realizes he’s touching her, holding her.

He’s holding Julie.

Her arms glide over his shoulders all the way down to his hands, and her fingertips leave a trail of goosebumps behind. Ghostbumps. It feels magical.

_Julie_ feels magical.

Wonderstruck, he stares at her hands in his.

“How can I feel you?” she asks breathlessly, searching for his gaze.

“I don’t know,” he stammers. He wants to add that he never wants it to stop, but then she already cups his face in her hands and her smile whisks away every word he ever learned.

With no thoughts, no hesitation left inside of him, he reaches out to caress her cheeks. Her skin is soft, just like her touch. A chuckle slips over his lips like a breath of relief. He lets his thumb run over her cheek, once, twice, to check if he’s dreaming again, if he’ll wake up and phase right through her.

She’s still warm, still soft. Still smiling at him.

Their hands intertwine. He breathes out, mystified, and all at once, at peace. And given the look on her face, Julie feels it too.

Peace.

**Author's Note:**

> (Writing this HURT.)
> 
> Fun fact: the flashback Luke had to chemistry class and the hole in his textbook is actually based on an incident one of my classmates had years ago! And getting hot chocolate from 7-11 for 2$ was something I loved to do on my travels.  
> (Remember a world without Covid?)


End file.
